A boiled hot dog with a cold bun, and a little bit of ketchup spread out sporadically. That’s the movie. Boiled hot dogs aren’t good, the cold bun makes it worse, and the ketchup — the stuff that actually works — is spread so thin it can only almost balance things out.

And that hurts to say, because this was supposed to be the sure thing.

The script was supposed to be the point

James Gunn fast-tracked Supergirl because the script was supposedly that good. What actually ended up on screen is pieced together awkwardly — rushed and somehow dragging at the same time. You don’t have to be a professional critic or a screenwriter to see it. You just have to sit through it.

“I wanted this movie to be so good and it so wasn’t.”

Going in, the plan was simple: forget the critics, love the movie. It didn’t allow it.

The ketchup

Let’s ease up a little bit, because it’s not all bad. Milly Alcock is so, so good as Supergirl — 100% sold, no notes. Her scenes are the best thing in the movie; the movie just never does her justice. The flashback scenes work. Ruthye is okay.

And then there’s David Corenswet’s Superman, drifting in for a handful of scenes and walking off with every one of them.

“He’s in it sporadically, and that’s the ketchup on the boiled hot dog right there.”

A villain-shaped hole

Here’s the real problem. A superhero movie earns its stakes through its villain — you need that “oh, this is serious” guy. Supergirl hands you Krem of the Yellow Hills, who got rechristened “Cram from the Southern Isles of Pirate Land” mid-review, because that’s about how seriously the movie manages to sell him: a Ravager from Guardians of the Galaxy with slightly more evil intentions. Yes, he does evil things. It doesn’t matter.

“There’s nothing there. He’s a big splat.”

That villain doesn’t just underwhelm — he pretty much ruins the movie. And he’s not alone in feeling off: Jason Momoa’s Lobo is cool, but he’s so forced there’s no reason for his character to even be in this film.

The verdict

The soundtrack sucked. The whole thing is weirdly colorless. And if you read Woman of Tomorrow and walked in expecting Woman of Tomorrow, prepare to be even more disappointed.

6 out of 10. Boiled hot dog.